this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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