He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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