Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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