I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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