I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
