I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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