I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
