That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
