you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
