I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
