he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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