it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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