I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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