The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
false alarm. still invincible.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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