I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
