textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
