last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
