Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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