It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
