I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
