Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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