I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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