I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
