I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
