Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
