I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
