The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
