Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
