found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
