Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
