Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
