we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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