so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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