Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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