chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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