party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
