I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
