we're blogging at a bar
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
