The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
