I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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