nut hugger
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
