I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
