There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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