So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
