apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
