Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
