No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
