i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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