You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
