Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
