tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Come on in and take your pants off
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
