I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
